Newsflash: We Have a Transfer Date

So excited to say that we officially have a transfer date! Now to keep busy until September 5. Fortunately work has been incredibly busy and I'll be in my best friend's wedding in two weeks, so I have lots of things going on. 

I'd be lying if I didn't admit how extremely nervous I am for everything. Since we've run into everything from canceled cycles to chemical pregnancies, I don't want to get my hopes up. I do feel more hopeful than I have in a very long time, and I'm so incredibly grateful already for our wonderful surrogate. Hoping that the next few weeks fly by and that I have amazing news to report back soon!

Cautiously Optimistic!

We've gotten such great news lately and me and Mr. Bee can't stop talking about how incredibly blessed we are. I wish that life always felt this optimistic!

Our surrogate went for her first screening appointment today and got a great report! She'll have blood work on Monday, and then hopefully get a tentative transfer date. 

From where we started to where we are now is just a miracle. To think that just a few months ago I uttered the words, "I have no hope." And I literally felt it. We'd tried everything and to be denied every time just wears on your soul. This weekend should have been my due date with my chemical pregnancy, and I'm trying to just focus on the great things that are going on and how we've found such a selfless person to help us become parents. Even though it's not on our timeline and not the way we would have liked to have had children, we're just happy that it looks like there is hope.

A (our surrogate) texts me sometimes a few times a day and I always tell her how excited I am, and I literally am. To think that there really is someone out there willing to do this for us is so amazing that it breaks my heart. I am so indescribably grateful. 

It's weird to go from enthusiastically excited to coming back down to earth and realizing that this has never worked for us, and may not. I feel like I have to be honest with myself and know that it's a possibility. I know that this post sounds so bipolar, but that's how my life has felt for the past 3 years. But honestly, I feel the most hope knowing that someone we trust will safely carry our baby, and I can only pray that everything works out and we get to go home with a baby in the next year.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered!

I guess everything really does happen for a reason, because I can officially say we have the best surrogate in the world! And I can say that safely because we have a signed contract!

After the last time I was so nervous that things would fall apart again, and I'm so incredibly happy to report that we're official. More details to come, but I can honestly say that I didn't think I'd be able to find someone who is such a great fit in our lives already.

Onward and upward!

Wishing and Hoping

Lots has been going on since my last post, and keeping my fingers and toes crossed to have some good news to announce soon regarding finding a new (and AMAZING) surrogate! Seriously, she is one of the sweetest people I've ever spoken to, and I'm really hoping we get to make everything official this week. I'll let everyone know, and as always, thanks for sticking by my side!

Onward and Upward

I thought it would be fitting to change the name of my blog from "Waiting for Bee" to "Onward and Upward". Not because I'm done waiting, but because it seems that we're always overcoming our hurdles and moving on to better things. Plus, I use that phrase all time time (try searching this blog, I bet it's posted at least 3 times). 

I found this quote while searching for things online and thought it to be pretty fitting:

"A sacred burden is this life ye bear: 

Look on it, lift it, bear it solemnly, 

Stand up and walk beneath it steadfastly. 

Fail not for sorrow, falter not for sin, 

But onward, upward, till the goal ye win."

Still no surrogacy prospects, so I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed that the perfect person comes into our lives soon!

Roadblocks.

It's been a few days since I got the call that we no longer had a surrogate. And the first night, I honestly felt that I was ok. I was sad, but I was ok. We'd move forward and things would be good. Now it's Thursday night, and I'm borderline devastated.

I don't understand how this could have happened. At this time our agency does not have any surrogates available. It's a small agency, so there's no telling when another one will come along, or if someone comes along that will be a good fit.

I'm not a patient person, but I wish I was. I waited to start trying to have kids until Mr. Bee was out of law school. Then I had to wait because I was so sick. When I was mostly better, I waited until we exhausted all of our infertility options. And then, we waited until we had money saved for a surrogate.

 I hate feeling sorry for myself, but I'm not always strong. I keep hitting roadblock after roadblock.

I have countless blessings in my life, and I'm trying to focus on those. I still have hope, but it's so hard to keep going.

First Surrogate is a No-Go

Well, onward and upward.

From my last post, we thought we'd found the perfect surrogate and decided to move forward. She and I had talked on the phone about our hopes for the future and she seemed like a really amazing person.

After some back-and-forth with the contract, we finally all came to an agreement, and Mr. Bee and I had our contract signed and notarized. We were so excited to move forward and have a July transfer.

Today, we received a call from the surrogate that her husband was no longer behind her, and she would not be moving forward. She wished us the best and told us she thought we'd be great parents.

I was in total shock. If I had answered the phone instead of Mr. Bee, I have no idea what I would have said. I don't get angry, I just get sad. And after the cryfest that was Mother's Day yesterday, I didn't have enough tears left to deal with this disappointment.

As for next steps, we all decided to sleep on it tonight and re-group tomorrow with our agency. I know in my heart that we'll find someone who is a perfect fit. Someone who wants to do this for altruistic reasons. And when that happens I'll be over-the-moon happy. My story isn't going to stop here.