Family Magazines

A few years ago, I started collecting Real Simple Family magazines. They only come out sparingly. The first time a magazine came out, I read every single word, looked at every advertisement, and tried to memorize the best way to parent our future children.

A few editions later, I've been hoarding them. I haven't opened them because it hurts too much to read about kids crafting activities and back to school shopping when I can't participate with my own children.

The newest magazine came in the mail today. I'm scared, but I have hope. I know that there may still be heartbreak, and there's no easy way to deal with disappointment. I'm still sad when seeing friend's with Facebook announcements about new babies, and even holding my friend's babies fill me with such a sense of sadness and longing. I want it so badly for me and Mr. Bee, and knowing that it could be so soon is giving me faith.

Our GS had her first baseline ultrasound on Friday and everything went great! She also started her estradiol valerate injections. I felt so bad because the monitoring clinic wouldn't show her how to do one beause she's not "technically" her patient. So hopefully I was able to send over enough YouTube videos to help her through her injections.

I seriously still can't believe that we're working with such an amazing person who is willing to endure the shots, blood draws, then grow our babies for us, and give them back. I can't deal with what a gift it is.

I may not read the magazinze today, but at least I have that I may read it soon. 

It's all Happening!

Our surrogate got all of her medication today!

She has her baseline ultrasound tomorrow, so fingers crossed everything goes smoothly!

Jimmy Fallon - Newest Surro-Dad

Not to get all US Weekly on you, but I'm extremely happy that celebrities are coming "out-of-the-closet" to admit that they've used surrogacy. Surrogacy is weird. I always feel really awkward talking to people about it, but it's so important to talk about it and make it a "normal" thing. So, thanks Jimmy Fallon! I appreciate your honesty!

Read the article here.

People are Blessings

Throughout this whole journey, there have been points where people give me so much hope. Besides my family and husband who have always been there for me, people have been extremely selfless.

Today I received an email from a girl I'd met online on a Surrogacy board. She lives in the area and has been my "mentor" through this time, giving me advice and walking me through the process. She's answered countless questions, and I've been extremely grateful.

Today I told her about our transfer date. She responded with this:

"I wanted to ask if you were okay with me making a care basket for your surrogate for transfer and leave it at the clinic. Some good luck things like pineapple core, yellow and green things, etc. Just want to send lots of good luck your way for this."

This just touched my heart so deeply. I told my husband who also admits to tearing up over this. We've had people we've never met reach out to us, donate to us so we could save for this, and even do things like help me find affordable hotel rooms. Things I am so incredibly grateful for and that literally seem to be a silver lining in this whole process. Even in the darkest of times there are still so many people in the world that are so wonderful, and I need to remember that always. I'm so thankful for all of the people in my life and all of the people I'm still meeting who already mean so much to me.

Newsflash: We Have a Transfer Date

So excited to say that we officially have a transfer date! Now to keep busy until September 5. Fortunately work has been incredibly busy and I'll be in my best friend's wedding in two weeks, so I have lots of things going on. 

I'd be lying if I didn't admit how extremely nervous I am for everything. Since we've run into everything from canceled cycles to chemical pregnancies, I don't want to get my hopes up. I do feel more hopeful than I have in a very long time, and I'm so incredibly grateful already for our wonderful surrogate. Hoping that the next few weeks fly by and that I have amazing news to report back soon!

Cautiously Optimistic!

We've gotten such great news lately and me and Mr. Bee can't stop talking about how incredibly blessed we are. I wish that life always felt this optimistic!

Our surrogate went for her first screening appointment today and got a great report! She'll have blood work on Monday, and then hopefully get a tentative transfer date. 

From where we started to where we are now is just a miracle. To think that just a few months ago I uttered the words, "I have no hope." And I literally felt it. We'd tried everything and to be denied every time just wears on your soul. This weekend should have been my due date with my chemical pregnancy, and I'm trying to just focus on the great things that are going on and how we've found such a selfless person to help us become parents. Even though it's not on our timeline and not the way we would have liked to have had children, we're just happy that it looks like there is hope.

A (our surrogate) texts me sometimes a few times a day and I always tell her how excited I am, and I literally am. To think that there really is someone out there willing to do this for us is so amazing that it breaks my heart. I am so indescribably grateful. 

It's weird to go from enthusiastically excited to coming back down to earth and realizing that this has never worked for us, and may not. I feel like I have to be honest with myself and know that it's a possibility. I know that this post sounds so bipolar, but that's how my life has felt for the past 3 years. But honestly, I feel the most hope knowing that someone we trust will safely carry our baby, and I can only pray that everything works out and we get to go home with a baby in the next year.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered!

I guess everything really does happen for a reason, because I can officially say we have the best surrogate in the world! And I can say that safely because we have a signed contract!

After the last time I was so nervous that things would fall apart again, and I'm so incredibly happy to report that we're official. More details to come, but I can honestly say that I didn't think I'd be able to find someone who is such a great fit in our lives already.

Onward and upward!