Some nights my heart breaks more than others. I'll be doing laundry and wish I was folding onesies. I love my life, but my life isn't complete.
Last night I had someone at a meeting complain to me about how mad she was to find out that her baby was a boy. She was so annoyed to find out that her healthy baby wasn't the gender she wanted. And I wanted to break down right there. What I wouldn't give for a baby of either gender!
I don't want my friends to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me, but I don't know what's going to set me off, and what won't. I know that I need patience and strength to get me through this time, but all the while the inevitability of the fact that I will never carry our children comes out of nowhere and every episode leaves me feeling more hopeless and sad than I've ever been before.
I can't give up hope, and I won't give up hope. My heart is hurting but it's still beating.