I know I've been awful about posting, but truthfully, I've been too scared to say anything yet. So I just wanted to jump on and say that we're cautiously optimistic about things, and wishing on every star, blowing on every dandelion, and keeping our fingers and toes crossed. Thank you for all of your texts and tweets of encouragement, we appreciate them more than you'll ever know! I hope to be back in the swing of things soon with good news!
I've probably said this before and I meant it: I'm not good with patience. When I did my transfers, I overanalyzed every twinge, cramp, or ounce of nausea. I tested up to 10x a day. I was a mess.
The second transfer was even harder. I felt pregnant, whether that was the hormones or the medication. I had super smell power and nausea. And I was pregnant, even if it was just for a week.
Waiting is hard, especially when I've only gotten bad news. I'm trying to focus on the positives. Thinking that this worked, that this will be amazing, and we'll be blessed with our "take home baby(ies)." And in my heart, I really feel like this worked. And I'll try to keep putting these positive thoughts out into the universe in hopes that they work.
I hope my neuroses aren't putting to much pressure on A. I've really had a wonderful time hanging out with her, and will miss her, although I'm sure she won't miss being held captive in a hotel room for a weekend.
So that's where we're at. I'll probably worry until A get a positive test, or worry until the following Monday when we get the 2nd beta result (who makes you wait over the weekend? Really? Not cool!)
Yesterday was one of the most nerve-wracking days of my life. I was so nervous for the embryo transfer, and was really "not there" during most of my work meetings. I was getting ready to take A to Whole Foods to get some things before the transfer, when I looked down and saw I'd missed a call from our RE. I've never gotten a call an hour before a transfer before, so I knew it wasn't good news.
I tried calling him back, and he was doing another transfer. So of course, I was freaking out. I went downstairs and met with A and explained that I'd just gotten a message, and was pretty sure it meant that one of the embryos didn't make it. I was crying a little, and mostly just being a complete nutcase.
We went to Whole Foods and went back to my house for a few minutes to pick up Mr. Bee, who to my surprise, was on the phone in total lawyer mode with the clinic, trying to get ahold of the doctor. Apparently they'd tried to transfer him and disconnected, and in that short amount of time he'd gone into another appointment.
Because we really wanted to prepare ourselves before we went to the clinic, Mr. Bee stayed on the phone until he spoke to him. We got the news that I'd been dreading - that one of the embryos didn't survive the thaw. The good news was that the other one in the straw had, and was already hatching. Since we only had four embryos left, we had to decide if we wanted to unfreeze the remaining embryos and choose the best two to transfer, or if we just wanted to try one. Even though those were our last ones, we knew we'd have the best odds with two, so we unfroze all of the embryos.
We got to the clinic and waited a while before being seen by the doctor. When we got back to the room, he let us know that of the other two that were unthawed, one of those didn't look like it would make it either. I was a little crushed (and a lot overwhelmed), but really grateful to have two good ones. They gave A a valium, and Mr. Bee requested one for me so I could actually chill out and calm down for the transfer.
As far as that went, everything looked perfect. Our doctor let us know that A's lining looked amazing (something I've never heard myself!) and that she had an amazing obstetrical history. All good things to hear, although they'd probably be random compliments to hear on the street.
Mr. Bee ended up wearing a pink shirt and blue bow tie, and I had pink nails and blue toenails, just for a little extra luck.
So now we wait! A is so wonderful in person, and such a trooper. I'm so glad that through this process I've found a lifelong friend. I know a lot of people aren't as lucky.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, and I really hope to come back with good news soon!
I can't believe it's already transfer week! Our GS flies in tomorrow night and the transfer is set for Thursday afternoon. I honestly haven't gotten a good night sleep in about a week. I've been trying to keep as busy as possible, but I'm ultimately driving myself (and probably everyone around me) crazy.
Yesterday I loaded up on all sorts of yummy things for A to snack on and enjoy during bed rest, so I hope she likes the little care basket! I honestly think bed rest was one of the toughest things for me since I like to be doing things and constantly engaged, especially when I'm stressed out. My RE clinic is really strict about 3 days of bed rest, although I hear other clinics let you do one day of bed rest and then go back to normal activities. I don't mind erring on the side of caution, but I hope she doesn't get too stir-crazy. Does anyone have any good tips for things to do on bed rest besides movies/books?
Until then, I'm going to try to keep thinking good thoughts, and staying busy. Hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day weekend!