Thursday, June 23, 2011

Good News!

I finally have some good news to share.

No, not all 40 eggs that were retrieved were fertilized. Just 32. :)

I had the hugest smile on my face when my doctor called to tell me the good news. When I've read things online about other people going through IVF, it looks like the average eggs retrieved is about 12-15. I can't believe that we had 40, and now 32 that are actually possible kids.

The plan now is to grow them until Saturday, and then re-check them to see which ones are the best. Even if only half of them made it to freezing, we'd still have 16. And that is completely amazing. I'm feeling a ton better today after a really rough night, so things are really looking up.

We also got amazing news that Mr. Bee has a 2nd interview for a job he really, really wants, and just got the call today, so our day has been filled with good news. Nothing is set in stone (on either front), but just to know we're finally going in the right direction is making life so much easier.

Things are crazy and good. We talked about how much we've been blessed. Even a week ago we had no idea that our life would be where it is today. I've been trying to trust in God's timing and path for us, and it looks like it really is always perfect.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Back From Deliverance

Well the Egg Retrieval is done! I'm home resting, watching Devil Wears Prada and snuggling with my dog. Here's my re-cap.

I woke up at 6 and started stress cleaning. Fed the dogs, jumped in the shower, and then Mr. Bee and I headed over to the RE clinic. After giving a urine sample, I went straight back into the room, which looked just like a regular gynecologist patient room but with more equipment.

I got undressed and Mr. Bee and I took a few photos of the room to show our future kids where they were made. I met the anesthesiologist and he started with the IV. They used my hand for the IV, so first they gave me a shot to numb the area. Then they put the IV in, which I didn't feel a bit. He said he was going to give me pain medication next, which is where I started getting loopy. I wouldn't have remembered anything, so my loving husband was sure to tape everything. I'll just tell you I said some amazing things about coming from the town of Deliverance, singing the song "Thriller", and telling the anesthesiologist how great the medication was and that he should do birthday parties and offer it on Groupon. Oh, and that I was Charlotte's Web. Yes, I'm a riot.

The whole procedure takes about 15 minutes. I think I woke up an hour later and was able to get dressed and start slowly heading out. I was feeling no pain. The doctor said that he removed 40 eggs. Holy crap. At least I have a good reason for being in so much pain and discomfort.

We got in the car and Mr. Bee went by the drugstore to get me a heating pad and some pain medication, and then took me through the drive through for McDonalds breakfast. If I haven't sang Mr. Bee's praises enough, here is some more. He is an amazing husband, a total trooper, and my favorite person ever. And he gets me fast food breakfast.

So now I have to get used to waiting. I'll find out tomorrow how many of the eggs were good and how many were fertilized. I'm hoping they say, "All of them!" and we decide to have all 40 children. Give the Duggar's a run for their money. Then I'll wait another cycle until I can do the transfer in August. Then wait to see if they stick. There's going to be a lot of waiting for this impatient person. I still regret naming my blog "Waiting for Bee". That was a mistake on my part, but there's no going back, and I'm just going to have to figure out some hobbies in the meantime so I don't drive myself nuts.

I am pretty out of it, so I hope that this post makes sense. If not, just another memento from the journey.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Now I lay me down to sleep...

I am really scared of anesthesia. Even plain-ole' run of the mill anesthesia.  Tomorrow, I'm getting Michael Jackson anesthesia. So, since my only reference for this particular anesthesia is Michael Jackson, I thought it prudent to lay out a few specific guidelines.

As such, here are my last wishes:
1. I demand a moon bounce. No one can ever be sad at a party (or funeral) that has a moon bounce. Unless they somehow manage to fall out of it.
2. I would like a snow cone machine. No one can be sad with a snow cone in their hand.
3. Sunflowers, lots of sunflowers.
4. Play the Alison Krauss version of "I'll Fly Away".
5. Play Queen's, "Another One Bites the Dust".
6. If I magically reanimate as a vampire, I want all the stuff I gave away back.
7. if I magically reanimate as a zombie, run.

Mosh pits are optional.

Random Thoughts

Tomorrow is my egg retrieval (ET). I'll go in tomorrow morning, and 15-20 minutes later they'll have all of my hopeful potential babies. It's weird how I've even gotten attached to these eggs. I know it must be the extra hormones, but the thought that they could eventually become the children I've thought about my whole life makes me emotional.

Mr. Bee and I were talking about what we would like to do if there are more embryos created than children we would like to have. I'd love to have 2-3 children. Honestly right now I'm hoping that I can just get pregnant with one.

There are a few choices you have with frozen embryos. Keep them frozen, donate them to science, have them destroyed, or donate them to other couples. Mr. Bee told me that he'd like to donate them to other couples who can't have their own children. I think this is incredibly selfless of him. I don't know that I'm on board with it. As much as I would love to help anyone else who is struggling with IF, I don't know that I could deal with the thought of someone else raising "our" children. Would they be taken care of? Would they want to know who we are and why we would give them away? I honestly don't know that I could deal with the thought of not having all of my children with me.

The other issue is that I have medical problems that I'm sure other people would not want passed down to their kids, so it probably isn't even an option. I am more in favor of donating to science. This is one of those things that you don't think you'll even need to have a conversation about, but somehow pops up in your life.

As I said before, I'm just hoping for one at this point and to have all of hard work pay off with a healthy child. I'm just curious what other people think about this (if anything).

As always, thank you for the nice notes and thoughts. I created this blog to document what I'm going through in case anyone else has to go through something similar, and to remember what I've been through once I get to where I'm going. So lots of love to you all! Hopefully I'll have good news to report about future Bee Babies in a few days.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Update: Unexpected IVF

Just wanted to follow-up after my post yesterday. If you didn't read it, I went in for my u/s on Thursday and had 4 mature follicles. On Sunday, I had over 20 mature and 50 total. My doctor doesn't know what happened, since he dropped me down to half my dose after my Thursday appointment. 
After a lot of discussion we are going through IVF, and I'll do an egg retrieval on Wednesday. I am at high risk for OHSS so I'm downing electrolytes and whey protein shakes. Yum. At this point they don't see any fluid leaking, but it is something they are very concerned about.
I am really scared and we did not have the savings going into it, but we're making it work. I won't be able to do a transfer because my ovaries are in not so great shape, and I'll have to wait until at least August, which is a bummer. My first priority is avoiding any complications and staying healthy for a healthy (hopeful) pregnancy. 
I was curious to find out how they do the egg retrieval and did manage to laugh when they said they use Propofol, as I somehow relate that to being "Michael Jackson-happy". Hopefully everything will go smoothly and I'll be back on my feet on Thursday.
Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes. This is a scary journey and for some reason I can't seem to ever take the easiest route in life. 

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Blind Sided

I went into the RE today as a follow up from my ultrasound on Thursday. Previously, I had 3 follicles at 13 and a bunch of little ones. They reduced my dose of Bravelle and I took my last shot yesterday. 
Today I went in and had 15 mature follicles and a ton of small follicles. My ovaries are the size of grapefruits (which explains my intense discomfort). They took blood work and told me my options are canceling, doing a follicular reduction under anesthesia and then IUI, or converting to IVF. I've done two Clomid cycles, one IUI, and had to cancel my IUI last month due to no follicular growth.
I was speechless, I broke down and cried. I was not expecting this. They had told me on Thursday everything was looking perfect and now this. Money is definitely playing a role, as well as my health (I have POTS Syndrome and this is taking a toll on me).
After thinking about this for a while longer I'm still blind sided, but this is much more positive than not being able to create follicles. I went back in to the doctor an hour after so that they could give me a shot to stop me from ovulating tonight. I'll go back to the doctor tomorrow so he can look at my ultrasounds and let me know the costs for IVF. They said that with the amount of eggs that follicle reduction probably won't be possible. With IVF it will be better than doing it from the beginning because we've already gotten to the mature follicle phase, so it won't be AS expensive. But still not cheap at all.
We are scared but going into this open-minded. This was definitely an unexpected Father's Day surprise on a day that we are hoping to make my husband a father. I'll update tomorrow with what we decide. If anyone has experience with IVF I'd love to talk to you.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

CD 9 Ultrasound

I went in for my CD 9 ultrasound and everything looks good! I was so worried because the last cycle we had to cancel due to lack of follicle growth, but it looks like everything is going according to plan. I have a ton of follicles but 3 dominant follicles (at about 13).  I'll lower my dose of Bravelle and keep doing injections until my next ultrasound appointment. Hopefully we'll have a date for our next IUI soon!

My lining this cycle is only at a 5 right now, but they said it has a good three layer structure. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I'm really hoping that this is our cycle. Spooky horoscope plus good doctor's appointment will hopefully equal baby for us.

So this is kind of embarrassing, but if you're on any of message boards, you know about Cheri 22. She's a psychic who predicts your baby's birth month, gender and personality. I got a reading from her in December. Here it is:

They are showing you guys having a GIRL and they relate her to MARCH so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in. They show her followed by another girl and then a boy.
They are showing her being born in the wee hours of the morning, being in the low 7lb range to high 6's., They show her birth being "excitable". so going to say that the interpretation is that your labor is going to be a bit faster than your expecting (natural birth) and that there are a few people in the room with you during her birth. I have a feeling that your partner is in the room, and someone filming the birth? Not sure if you were thinking of doing that, but they do show someone holding the video camera in that 'area" and filming her birth. (they show this to be a woman and would be linking her to your side of the family/friends).
When it comes to your daughter, is someone who is always laid back> tends to be a bit more quiet while she thinks. Shes always going to love to be around people and just enjoys company. Really does not want to do things on her own and its not because she cant be independent, but because its more "fun" with someone else.

Someone who loves texture and taste. Not a huge appetite, but really does love sampling things, so is often testing things as they are being made. Loves spices and is often excited about trying new recipes out (Think epicure type spices).
You will find her to usually have her hair long.. is really eager to have her hair/nails done and is definitely a girly girl at heart. Loves pinks and anything in that shade family and is going to be the type to really love makeup when you finally allow her to wear some.
Shes someone who is good with applying make up, always teaching others how to put it on.. Always good about reading magazines and learning tricks of the trade. This even goes with magazines that help you organize your rooms/house better. Shes someone who is not big on clutter and is often rearranging peoples bedrooms (her friends) and actually having fun with it.

You and your daughter have a very close relationship.
When it comes to marriage, I am seeing her closer to 22. They will have two boys of their own.
When ti comes to career paths, they show her working in an office type setting and actually having a few "business" that she does out of the home on a more hobby/part time basis.

I know that this can't be accurate because there is NO WAY I would let someone video the birth, especially not the graphic parts like she is saying. But I would definitely love having a March baby. My mom and grandma were both born on March 3, Mr. Bee is March 5 and my sister is March 31. It's a great month to be born, so let's have this work please!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

CD1 - Starting Over

So today is CD1 for me. When I was in last week the nurse gave me the option of either taking Provera, or getting a Progesterone shot in the butt. The Pros and Cons:

Pro: It's a pill that you swallow.
Con: You take 10 of them, then wait another 5-6 days until you get your period. Teenage-style acne.

Pro: You get your period within 5-10 days after the shot. No pills to forget.
Con: You get a shot in your butt. Your butt is really sore for 2+ days. Did I mention you get a shot in your butt?

So I took the shot like a champ. If I had known that I could get a shot this whole time I would've never ever taken the Provera. It feels like such a waste of time. So now we're starting over. I've been trying to work out a bit more and eat healthier. And by eat healthier, I mean eating Chipotle. Long story short, I am obsessed with Chipotle burrito bowls and believe that they helped to cure me from POTS Syndrome. I ate them before my wedding and lost a bunch of weight while still being healthy. Chipotle is like the Fountain of Wellness for me. Plus they're so yummy. So when I went back to California for a wedding last weekend, I bought 10 to bring home and freeze. I swear that I'll get pregnant this cycle because of this.

Also, I got this as my monthly horoscope. And I am putting all of my eggs in this basket:

Also, if you have been trying for a pregnancy, only to be disappointed, the move of Saturn to direct on June 12 should give you reason for hope. If you are seeing a fertility specialist, plan your next try after June 12, but prior to August. Mercury will be retrograde ALL month in August, so you won't want to have expensive treatments then. 

Really?!?! I know I'm not the most rational person in the world right now, but I'll take that. I'm planning on being positive and rocking this cycle.

Friday, June 3, 2011

IUI Canceled

Just got back from my appointment - there was no follicular growth. We had the choice of either doing more Bravelle shots (we just did 4) or canceling and taking a Progesterone shot and trying again next cycle. Hope I'll get my period in the next few days and can start over. I'm so bummed and am now going to a wedding where everyone will ask me when I'm planning on having kids and I'll see my best friend who is 7 months pregnant. I know it'll be really tough. Just hoping to get through all of this. I still have faith, but this is hard.