A Man, A Plan, A Canal, Panama

Ok, maybe not everything in the title exactly pertains to this post. Yes, there will be a man, we have a plan...there's a...birth canal...and, a celebratory trip to Panama?

Nevermind. Onward and upward to the plan.

March (the month we wage war against my body)

• Provera -  To induce period
• Progesterone Supplements - To help build my lining which will support implantation and hopefully, pregnancy
• Clomid -100 mg. I've been taking 50mg the past two months and have gotten the greatness which is Clomid hot flashes and emotional irrationality. Can't wait to have that intensified. Can you sense my sarcasm? It's definitely there.

We're also going to have this bad boy on our side.

Apparently the CBEFM is like the Ferrari of OPK's. Fortunately we had Amazon.com certificates from Christmas we were able to use (these are not cheap). As much as I had been imagining spending my money on endless books, we thought a better shot at a baby made more sense. 

I'll also be going in to get more monitoring with blood work and ultrasounds. 

I found out this weekend that two girls I advised during college are now having their first and second kids. After I stopped eating the peanut butter directly from the fridge, I am starting to come to terms with the fact that yes, people around me are going to get pregnant. Yes, it will probably feel like they are doing it to me on purpose. In most cases, they are probably not. I am going to have to grow a thicker skin and deal with it. That doesn't mean I won't wince every time I find out that every fertile Myrtle on the block is knocked up, but I'm going to at least try. 

I'm also going to continue on my quest of eating better and working out (which has been going decently besides the mint ice cream and brownie shake I had after my appointment last week) and do whatever it takes to make March my bitch.

Doctor Follow-Up

My doctor just gave me a call with my ultrasound results. Even though I had a positive on the ovulation predictor kit (OPK) she's not sure if I ovulated. I had many small follicles, but no large ones that would tell if I had ovulated. My lining was also only at 3.1, which is way too thin to conceive or sustain a pregnancy.

She wasn't sure why I got a positive on the OPK when it doesn't look like I ovulated or why I got 4 positives last month. She does want me to come by tomorrow to talk with her and also pick up some Progesterone supplements, which should increase my lining.

The doctor I spoke with yesterday told me that if I was her patient that she would send me to a reproductive expert. Since that's not covered by my insurance I've been really reluctant to go to an RE. If that happens to be the way that everything works out we will make it work, I just hope that my body comes through for us.   Mr. Bee has had his little guys checked and thankfully, all of that looks great. So even though that's amazing news, I know the problem is with me, and as reassuring as he is, I'm hating that it's my fault we don't have kids yet. I know that there is a right time for everything, that I am not the most patient person and that I am worlds ahead health-wise of where I was last year. I take nothing for granted, and even though I feel selfish for expecting more from life I can't help it. At least I'm aware of it, right?

Waiting for Bee

I'm kind of a blog addict. I have a regular blog and a Tumblr. I write for a living. Not writing about trying to get pregnant has been killing me, but as much as I want to share my trials and tribulations with my blog friends and connect with everyone about the issue I've been too scared to because I don't want my co-workers/boss/stalkers to know every intimate detail about my life. As much as I love to divulge.

Writing in a diary would be one thing, but I know that so many people out there struggle to get pregnant that I wanted to share my story and hear yours.

As a quick backstory, I've had health problems for the past few years. I was diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome in September of 2009 and have worked very hard to deal with my condition, which caused multiple hospital visits, months of being house-bound and general miserability. I'm not cured, but (knock on wood) I'm doing much, much better than anticipated, and much better than so many people who suffer from this condition.

After stopping my medication for my condition, I also stopped birth control pills in October of 2010. I had a few days of breakthrough bleeding after stopping, but never got a period again. After 60 days and multiple negative pregnancy tests, I went into my doctor who started me on Provera.

I originally went on birth control pills at 16 because of irregular periods, and my doctor was convinced that I don't ovulate. I was started on 50 mg. of Clomid and it was determined that I ovulated my first round, but never got a period after. Another million negative pregnancy tests later, I went back to my doctor who put me on another round of Provera and 50 mg. of Clomid.

This is my 2nd round, and after an ultrasound today, things don't look spectacular for this round either. I'm waiting for my doctor to review my results and will post more tomorrow, but the doctor I saw wasn't very impressed by my lack of follicles and lining.

Anyway, I'm not exactly what direction this blog is going to head, what sort of rambling I'll do and where this journey will take me. I do know that getting pregnant is not as easy as it sounds. If you ever doubt that, take a look at the Trying to Get Pregnant boards on TheBump.com.

I love my husband with all of my heart and have always wanted more than anything to be a mother. I can't wait to have a child with both of our looks and personality and watch him or her grow up into a spectacular human being. I'll step off of my soap box now, but thanks for letting me get everything off of my chest. I hope to have some good news to report sooner rather than later. Till then, I'll be waiting for Bee.