|Here I am on the worst roller coaster ever.|
I woke up this morning at 1:20am and thought, "Wow, wouldn't it be cool to get a positive and get to wake up Mr. Bee with great news?" Apparently that was another mistake, because there was still only one line.
I got back into bed and just started Googling things like "Can you still get a BFP after 6dp5dt?" and "Defective pregnancy sticks". And then I cried. I thought about how Mr. Bee's family is coming in town the weekend after I have my beta and how devastated I'll be, and that maybe they shouldn't even come. That I can't even imagine how sad the holidays will be this year. That this will be the worst birthday of my life. And how I can't imagine having to wait until we have more money saved up to go through this all over again and how I don't even know if I can get pregnant, so why even try?
I am a crazy person. I am truly nuts. Fortunately when I told my mom she immediately texted me about an 85-year-old man who just impaled himself with gardening shears and how he won't be gardening anytime soon. And I laughed because I am a sick person, and was glad that I wasn't that guy.
The funny thing is that today I am a little more hopeful than yesterday. It's a roller coaster. The kind of roller coaster that really, really sucks. I like most roller coasters so I'll compare it to the Superman ride, which I think is just the worst kind of roller coaster ever. Roller coasters should have twists and turns and upside downs and the Superman roller coaster just takes you all the way up and drops you.
I want to say I'll wait until this weekend to test again, but in all honesty, I'll probably be torturing myself again tomorrow morning.