Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The World's Lamest Roller Coaster

Here I am on the worst roller coaster ever.
So I've made it to 6dp5dt and I am sheepishly admitting that I have a problem. I can't stop taking pregnancy tests. I told myself that I would wait until this weekend. Then I took one when I went home from work yesterday - nada. And I was kind of ok with it. I knew it was the middle of the day, it was still early, and there was still a chance. That I would hold strong and not test until Friday.

I woke up this morning at 1:20am and thought, "Wow, wouldn't it be cool to get a positive and get to wake up Mr. Bee with great news?" Apparently that was another mistake, because there was still only one line.

I got back into bed and just started Googling things like "Can you still get a BFP after 6dp5dt?" and "Defective pregnancy sticks". And then I cried. I thought about how Mr. Bee's family is coming in town the weekend after I have my beta and how devastated I'll be, and that maybe they shouldn't even come. That I can't even imagine how sad the holidays will be this year. That this will be the worst birthday of my life. And how I can't imagine having to wait until we have more money saved up to go through this all over again and how I don't even know if I can get pregnant, so why even try?

I am a crazy person. I am truly nuts. Fortunately when I told my mom she immediately texted me about an 85-year-old man who just impaled himself with gardening shears and how he won't be gardening anytime soon. And I laughed because I am a sick person, and was glad that I wasn't that guy.

The funny thing is that today I am a little more hopeful than yesterday. It's a roller coaster. The kind of roller coaster that really, really sucks. I like most roller coasters so I'll compare it to the Superman ride, which I think is just the worst kind of roller coaster ever. Roller coasters should have twists and turns and upside downs and the Superman roller coaster just takes you all the way up and drops you.

I want to say I'll wait until this weekend to test again, but in all honesty, I'll probably be torturing myself again tomorrow morning.


  1. I also have a POAS addiction (pee on a stick). I do this to myself every single month. For me, I'd rather see a bunch of negatives over a few days then have AF come and bite me in the ass when I wasn't prepared for it. But that's me. And be seriously glad you are NOT that guy, haha. Love your mom and I don't even know her.

  2. It is so hard to NOT test when you know there is a chance you could see a positive. I won't bother telling you to stop- because honestly I would be doing the same thing nonstop. Good luck when you test again in the morning. And however many times after that until you see a positive :)

  3. I'm so sorry you can't just press "fast forward" and skip right to the good parts. (I wish life was like my DVR sometimes.) Thinking of you and hoping you get really, really fabulous news soon.