Thursday, May 16, 2013


It's been a few days since I got the call that we no longer had a surrogate. And the first night, I honestly felt that I was ok. I was sad, but I was ok. We'd move forward and things would be good. Now it's Thursday night, and I'm borderline devastated.

I don't understand how this could have happened. At this time our agency does not have any surrogates available. It's a small agency, so there's no telling when another one will come along, or if someone comes along that will be a good fit.

I'm not a patient person, but I wish I was. I waited to start trying to have kids until Mr. Bee was out of law school. Then I had to wait because I was so sick. When I was mostly better, I waited until we exhausted all of our infertility options. And then, we waited until we had money saved for a surrogate.

 I hate feeling sorry for myself, but I'm not always strong. I keep hitting roadblock after roadblock.

I have countless blessings in my life, and I'm trying to focus on those. I still have hope, but it's so hard to keep going.

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