Back at 1

My 2nd beta tests came back in yesterday at a whopping 1, which means I'm having a chemical pregnancy. The pain of having this not work, coupled by knowing that this time was probably the only time that I'll ever be pregnant in my life is unbearable. But I'm resilient, and I have a great support system.

I'll go back to the doctor in December, but I'm really leaning towards surrogacy at this point. I don't know if I can take the pain of loss and the feeling that I'm just throwing away my money and embryos, when it could be that having another person carry our children is the best option. It's also probably a better decision because of my POTS syndrome, which could give me some awful setbacks if I was pregnant.

No one ever wants to go this route. It feels like giving up, and the disappointment that you can't carry your own children is awful. I have no idea where to even begin earning the money needed for surrogacy, but I'm hoping it will all come together. I did find an agency where I live that seems to be a great fit, so I'm thankful for that.

If you have any great "get rich quick" schemes, or you've recently robbed a bank and feel really guilty about it, and want to serve your penance by shipping the money to me, I'm not above anything at this point. :)

Thanks again for all the love and support, it means the world to me.